The Spy Next Door

When I first saw Jackie Chan in a Chinese cop movie I was amazed by his prowess and martial arts skills. Later when I started seeing him in American movies, I enjoyed his humor and superior comic timing. He was kind of like a clown who could kick your butt. But now that he’s reached his mid-fifties he’s been relegated to children’s movies and I really think it’s a shame. He has so much more to offer.

In The Spy Next Door, Jackie Chan portrays a secret agent who falls in love with the woman who lives next door to his cover house. He wants to retire from the spy business and marry her, but there is one problem, her children hate him. When she must leave town on a family emergency, he agrees to watch the kids seeing it as an opportunity to win them over, but when one of the kids accidently downloads some secret documents, the bad guys track down the IP address and crash Jackie Chan’s babysitting gig.

There is nothing original or special about this film. We’ve seen the same match-up before with Arnold Schwarzengger in Kindergarten Cop and Vin Diesel in The Pacifier. The idea is to pit big strong macho guys against cute adorable kids. The trouble is, Jackie Chan is not a big intimidating guy, his skills lie in his acrobatic and martial arts abilities. Watching him scale a building or manipulate a common everyday item and turn it into a weapon is his trade mark. But here they give Jackie too many unbelievable gadgets and strange props. In addition, the threat of bodily harm was never completely believable. To protect the children from violence, things were toned down and buffered. Plus they added wire work which made some of the stunts look totally fake. This is completely unnecessary with the talented Chan. They may gets these cheats pass the kids, but the adults are going to catch it.

Jackie Chan’s associates in the spy business were George Lopez and Billy Ray Cyrus. I cannot think of two more unlikely spies and I felt like I was watching a Disney channel sitcom. I kept waiting for Hannah Montana to show up. The villains were given bad Russian accents and kept in cartoon mode and the kids were cliche and overly precocious. I also thought it was weird that it took so long for the mom to lose her cool. The children are jumping on her bed when she is trying to sleep and she comes up smiling. I’ve never seen a real mom react like that, most moms would scream or lock their door. That was just too weird.

I did not find this movie painful, with the charming Jackie Chan how could I, but I was sure glad I didn’t pay full price. The film may be fine for the kiddies, but if you are a fan of the early Jackie Chan movies, you’ll be very disappointed. I say leave this film for the young ones and hope Hollywood can find a better way to utilize Chan. Look at Liam Neeson. He just recently became an action hero and he’s two years older than Jackie. It can be done. Hollywood, give him a chance.

Rating: Rent It Leave this one for the kiddies